Voice Lessons

May 2009...This is my first trip back to Italy in 15 years. When I left Rome in 1994, I was nearly bereft of everything one would identify with me. Nearly bereft of peace, of physical health, of trust, of national identity, of almost my own psyche. Most dangerous of all, nearly bereft of my greatest strength, my inner voice. I had barely survived an experience that crushed my spirit, mind, and body and drowned out my voice. It had happened here, in Italy, in a country I love and have loved since the day I first arrived, and at the hands of one its own. I've come back to restore that voice, and wipe away the blemishes that person left on the face of my Italy.

One of my goals then for this trip is to sink in roots, dig deeply and experience Italy in a manner that's joyful, echoey, and personal. I'm finding it in the silent glory of the landscape, and I'm making similar connections with like-minded people - Silvano, Eliana, my magi in Sarteano.

A writer named Murray Bodo once likened St. Francis of Assisi's prayer life to a dive into an underwater cave and then a gradual, continuous descent during which Francis explored so deeply that he discovered an indescribable serenity and communion with God, and also came face to face with himself and all his fears, struggling to the point where he thought he'd never make it back to the surface. But he did, and knew he had to dive again, explore again, encounter God and himself again, and then share it with others.*

Francesco Bernadone, St. Francis, did all of that here, in this country, in caves in these hills, and in mountain caves of his native and nearby Umbria. I want to do that too. I want that troubador of a saint who once improvised a viol bow from a tree branch because he so wanted to celebrate his love of God and Creation, to dive with me into the mysterious abyss and recover the joyful and trusting voice that drowned here all those years ago. It's mine, and I'm going to salvage it.

* "Francis: The Journey and the Dream" by Murray Bodo, O.F.M.
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